Transformers (Michael Bay, 2007)

Before Michael Bay made it's utterly terrible sequel, what he presented here with the original Transformers was possibly his best film since The Rock. The plot, for what it's worth, at least made sense and whilst it does go into some odd tangents that were in overdrive in Revenge of the Fallen (the irritating talk about masturbation springs to mind), the scenes of fighting robots have a decent sense of place and are, for the most part, well executed.

Hopefully, this years' threequel, Dark of the Moon, will reign things back a bit.

3.5/5

Batman (Tim Burton, 1989)

One thing I did miss in Chris Nolan's most recent Bat-epic, The Dark Knight, was the overly macabre practical jokes that the comic incarnation of the Joker used to use: acid squirting flowers, deadly hand-buzzers and laughing gas, things like that. It's one of the reasons, no matter how petty it may be, that I find the original Burton Batman the best of the previous film series. It also manages to be uniquely and obviously Burton whilst managing to retain a blend of both dark and campy Batman cannon to be both fun and menacing.

I dig it big time.

4/5

South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut (Trey Parker, 1999)

It's all about the Uncle Fucker.

Further proof, if needed, that immaturity and jokes about flatulence can make for hysterical satire.

4/5

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (Steven Spielberg, 1984)

I have always said that Steven Spielberg has made the most vicious and violent family friendly movies in history. Jurassic Park 1 & 2, Jaws, Raiders of the Lost Ark, recently, War of the Worlds, all feature nastiness that, when I was a child at least, frightened the dear life out of me. How many PG rated movies these days can you name that feature the antagonist's face melting?

Temple of Doom is relentlessly dark. Whilst retaining the sense of adventure of Raiders, the tone is much more adult. Kidnapped children being forced to brutal labour whilst receiving punishments of whippings and beating, scenes of folks easting snakes, bugs and monkey brains as well a human sacrifice having his heart removed all feature in a film that has, to this day, retained its PG rating (in America, this and Gremlins were responsible for the birth of the PG-13 rating).

Saying that, it aint half fun. People have complained recently about the "Nuked-the-fridge" moment in Kingdom of the Crystal Skull but they obviously forget that Temple of Doom featured Indy, Willie and Short-Round surviving a fall from a crashing plane using nothing but an inflatable dingy. The insane mine cart chase is also monumentally silly. The main difference Indy 4 and this though is that Doom is fun. It's what people expect from an Indiana Jones movie and in that respect, Temple of Doom fires on all cylinders. Whilst Spielberg has made his distaste for the film clear in recent years, what he fails to see is that during the height of his fame he could pull of entertainment like this as easily as putting on his shoes.

The worst of the original three but a hugely entertaining thrill ride none the less.

4/5

Tron: Legacy (Joseph Kosinski, 2010)

Never having been an avid fan of the original, Tron: Legacy was a film that I wanted to see more out of curiosity more than to eagerly see where the next phase of the story goes. I have always been sceptical of sequels that arrive so far after their predecessors and whilst Tron Mach 2 does little more than provide an updated spectacle to what came before, it delivered everything I expected and moved along in a fairly efficient albiet clunky fashion at times. It's inoffensive stuff at the end of the day and whilst I wont be rushing out to buy it on it's DVD release, it's no better or worse than it's flawed but effective forbearer and you can't complain too much at that. Something of a missed opportunity but it did it's job.

Even at 25, I still dig the light-cycles.

3/5

Needful Things (Fraser C. Heston, 1993)

In terms of Stephen King's back catalogue, Needful Things the novel is an often overlooked piece of brilliance. Unfortunately, this brilliance is not present in the film adaptation. Whilst being a middle-of-the-road/run-of-the-mill horror yarn, the subtle social subtext of the novel turns into silly and OTT set pieces. It seems as though all involved can't be bothered.

Saying that, there are enjoyable moments to be found. Ed Harris, Max Von Sidow and the late JT Walsh appear to be relishing in their hamminess and the nastiness is ramped up in places (where Raider the dog is stabbed repeatedly in the book, he's skinned here).

The ending is dire though. Whilst the book's deafeat-evil-with-a-magic-bunch-of-flowers climax was sketchy at best, here they actually manage to make it worse.

It's ok. Won't watch it again any time soon though.

2.5/5

Top/Bottom movies of 2010

Majorly delayed but here is my list of the best and worst of 2010:

Top 5:

1: Inception

2: Toy Story 3

3: Scott Pilgrim vs. The World

4: The Social Network

5: Buried


Bottom 5:

1: Skyline

2: From Paris With Love

3: Clash of the Titans

4: Resident Evil: Afterlife

5: Robin Hood

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World (Edgar Wright, 2010)

I still have some issues with the first half hour but there is a definite moment come the fight with the second evil ex where the movie hits its stride and becomes one of the most entertaining movies of the year. Bombastic, elastic and ADD spastic, to quote evil ex No 2: "it is actually hilarious".

I am in lesbians with this film.

4.5/5

Zulu (Cy Endfield, 1964)

"Stop throwing those bloody spears at me!" (Caine doesn't actually say that during the movie).

Like The Great Escape, there's something about Zulu that's so effortlessly timeless. Whilst the reasons for the battle are still questionable (us Brits did steal much of the Zulu land), it is wholly gratifying to see military tactics used to win a battle under impossible odds. It may be a movie but it's a damn good one.

5/5

The Hurt Locker (Kathryn Bigalow, 2008)

On a second viewing, Kathryn Bigalow's testosterone fuelled war drama is really quite remarkable. Whilst not the masterpiece it has been said to be in some circles, considering Bigalow's last movie was the lacklustre K19: The Widowmaker, the sheer brilliance of The Hurt Locker makes you wonder why she can't be on this form all the time. It takes it's war is a drug motif and runs with it. There's no political speech, no war-is-hell sentimentality, just a team and their gung-ho commander who is only looking for his next rush. It makes for some tense viewing sometimes, the standout being the climactic ticking bomb, yet it is this simplicity that makes the film work.

Not a classic but, you know what, it aint far off. Bravo Miss Bigalow. Bravo.

4.5/5

There Will Be Blood (P.T. Anderson, 2007)

Quite possibly the best film of the last decade.

P.T. Anderson drinks your milkshake.

5/5